


LOSING WARMTH

by kuude_rest



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Complete, Death, Dumb Formatting, Explicit Death Content, M/M, Questionable Narrative, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 19:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11905044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuude_rest/pseuds/kuude_rest
Summary: His hands are reaching over my face, brushing hair out of my eyes. And his hands are so soft. They’re still as soft as they used to be, so soft; so WARM.





	LOSING WARMTH

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the December Angst Meme on Tumblr. I don't think there's a tag for this anywhere on AO3, but yeah. >:) Enjoy.

    His hands are reaching over my face, brushing hair out of my eyes. And his hands are so soft. They’re still as soft as they used to be, so soft; so _WARM_.

But they’re frail, and WEAK. We were expecting this forever, tireless nights keeping me awake, staring at him in the dark. His breaths gave me life, but now they were shallow and lost. We weren’t as young as we used to be, the world wasn’t as fresh and new in our eyes anymore. And the world had changed; whilst death expectancy rates were much higher, it was still inevitable.

    This was always going to happen.

He’s gripping my hands tightly now, with whatever strength he still had left. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. _I’m —_ ” He whispered, eyes desperately searching mine for clarity, for safety. And through my tears, I smile, wiping away his with a calloused thumb. “Hey. It’s okay. You’re safe with me.”

The world had changed so much. It was so cruel.

    “You’ll — you’ll be safe, with— without me, _right_?” His words are beginning to SLUR now, his eyes blinking at such a rapid pace that I know it’s coming. “You’ll live for a long time, right?”

I sush him gently, eyes sombre as I stroke his face. “I will make sure of it, love. I **promise**.” Though I don’t know how I can keep this promise. (And it’s so DARK, save the dim lights flickering around us, floating about in the air. _I know I’m not seeing things—_ )

    “I’m so sorry.” He says again. “I love you, you know that?” Fingers wrapping round my hands, squeezing them tightly. “ _I love you so much._ ”

I swallow the lump in my throat, trying not to cry, but I couldn’t. What was I going to do without him? He was supposed to live life to the fullest, to LIVE. But the world was cruel. Life couldn’t accept you for so long, it leaving you as soon as it came. Only sooner, for him. He couldn’t help it — it wasn’t his fault—

    “ _Simon_?”

Eyes flickering to mine.

    “Simon I love you. I do.”

His breathing is shallow, and I need to let him go. I know I need to let him go. I need to let him go. _I need to let him go_.

    “I— love you too, Baz. I love you too.” Smiling at me now, he lets out one last breath, and shuts his eyes, tattered clothing BURNING to the touch. “Goodbye, Simon.” And then he stops.

**_His life stops._ **

And I’m shaking, my tears obscuring my view. I’m still clutching his BODY, in the middle of a room where I know they’ll come soon — where they’ll take me away from him, tell me it was for the best and only natural for these things to happen. He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t — it wasn’t his fault. But they’ll tell me it was because of his age, because _he was never going to outlive you in the state he was in_ , because it was no way for a person to live. That we were both too _OLD_ and I was in over my head thinking I could stay with him forever.

Baz — the boy in my arms, the boy I had loved so much. He couldn’t help that he was a vampire. _It wasn’t his fault_. **NONE** of this was his fault.


End file.
